i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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