ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
please come you make the beer taste better
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
