xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
