Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize