i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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