When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
