Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
