Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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