im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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