I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
