she peed on how many people?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
how does that bad decision feel?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
