I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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