I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I faked an abortion last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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