he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
did you just send me my own nude
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
