my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
