just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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