i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
