You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
