3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize