I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
