You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
