I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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