Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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