So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
