Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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