Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
