I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
