new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
