OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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