Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
