speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
