i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
