wat bout pragnant strippers??
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
