She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
