There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
