I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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