i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize