I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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