I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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