don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
