I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize