Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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