I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you never un-have a 4some
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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