i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
