Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
