i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
