Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
