sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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