i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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