yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
