we're blogging at a bar
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
