I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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