At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
