1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize