Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
