just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
