OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
