dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
