Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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