If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
