And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
