You were right. It hurts to walk today.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
