respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
