The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
