pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
