he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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