there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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