Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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