My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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