maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
