question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
