in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
