I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize